Non-accomplishments

You ever have those little goals you strive for that on some level seem like they mean something, like they will make a difference, but you know deep down-- or maybe pretty shallow down that they don't matter much or really at all? I do. I'm playing out a silly game on Facebook until I get to the top level (for the third time) and at that point, I plan to delete the app and not look back. While I'm on my way, I'm wasting a lot of time. I have that mixture of accomplishment combined with self-loathing. A joyous mix to be sure.

Could I just delete the app now. Well, yeah, I guess. But finishing what I set out to do seems to mean something, even if it doesn't mean anything. I've made some real goals too-- work related. How many articles to write. I'm tracking time it takes to write them. I'm trying to get honest with myself on how much better I can really do. For some reason I can't pull out the rock star stops all in one day-- but they are coming. I will get there. I'm meeting deadlines, although I could give myself a few more. Little by little I'm getting tougher on myself, and I will get there.

Yes, I know I am most likely grasping, but non-accomplishments can be important precursors to the real thing. Finishing what I started and walking away or moving on are important things to reinforce in myself. Always, always a work in progress.

Will there always be ways to waste time? Of course. But I will find ways to make them more useful. I might start doing arm curls or crunches or read or meditate. Who knows? Whatever it takes to get to the next step.